Table of contents

Preface
Foreword
Acknowledgment

1 The Condition of Women in Nepal
1.1 Background
1.2 Women in Conflict
1.3 The pain of domestic violence
1.4 Girl Trafficking
1.5 Dalit and other marginalised women
1.6 The after-effects of war

2 Mahila ko Haat

3 Collaborating Partner: Navajyoti Training Center

4 Follow-up Study
4.1 Objectives
4.2 Selection of participants
4.3 Methodology

5 Women after the training
5.1 Shanti brought peace
5.2 Lila rescued trafficked girls from Mumbai
5.3 Positively turned Hira
5.4 Chandani’s challenges
5.5 Devimaya changes her society from her house
5.6 Aruna becomes a role model
5.7 Meena’s wish

6 Conclusion
6.1 Status of participants
6.2 Recommendations
6.3 Messages from ex-trainees

Preface
We live in a patriarchal society. Women are dominated in their homes, families, and society. Their importance is not yet understood. It’s not just men – women also fail to understand each other’s problems. Women make up more than half of the total population of Nepal, therefore, it is essential to give them equal opportunities and to ensure that men and women move as partners in the development of the nation. Unfortunately, just the opposite is happening in reality. One of these partners is not only neglected; they are deprived of basic human rights. Women are victims of human trafficking and domestic abuses. These women should be lifted from such doom; they need to be made aware and to have adequate knowledge and skills to become independent and empowered. Only then will Nepal will move towards the path of progress. The programs conducted by Navajyoti and Mahila ko Haat are examples of such efforts. We have presented our endeavors in this report.

I am very thankful to Ms. Bhagawati Nepal and all the other members of Mahila ko Haat for spreading awareness about our training programs to our target group. My heartfelt thanks to Ms. Aruna Chaudhary for her efforts in going to the field, recording the progress of our trainees and for preparing this report.

It is the responsibility of every individual, woman, family and of society to make efforts to improve the conditions of women living in remote areas. Wake up! Let us be united to help the helpless, poor and illiterate people and transform our society and nation.

Sister Teresa Madassery
Sisters of Charity of Nazareth[i]
Navajyoti Women’s Training Center
Baluwatar, Kathmandu

Foreword
This book is one of the products of ‘People’s Documentation Project for Peace in Nepal’ launched by a group of people living in Nepal to document people’s life of present days from different perspectives, by gender, by age, by class, by ethnicity/caste, by religion and by region in order to present diversity and to avoid domination by particular groups’ perception. In Nepal, there are very few stories and messages documented by ordinary people, which makes it difficult to learn lessons from the history through people’s perspectives. The project aims to empower the people involved in documentation process through dialogue and to utilize the collected material for future generation to get lessons. Participants chose their own topic, using any media of their preference, such as writing essay, diary, poem, drawing, and photography.

Ms. Aruna Chaudhary, one of co-authors of this book, is an ex-trainee of Navajyoti Training Center. Her success story during/after the training encouraged well-wishers to support more women to attend the training, which resulted in the formation of Mahila ko Haat.

As a volunteer organization without any employees, Mahila ko Haat could not monitor the performance of ex-trainees, although it extended support to many women from rural Nepal. In June 2006, Ms. Bhagwati Nepal, Chairperson of Mahila ko Haat, decided to conduct review of their support with active participation from Aruna. She visited some ex-trainees in remote villages and documented changes of their lives through intensive interviews. It was a surprise visit for the ex-trainees who were far away from Kathmandu. Her visit reunified ex-trainees and encouraged them to share their sorrow and happiness with others.

At the beginning, Aruna faced difficulties to write personal histories of ex-trainees, although she had a great insight on observing struggles of women. Bhagwati supported Aruna’s writing process in addition to her own contribution as the head of organization. In the end, Aruna became confident to present her own story together with her writings on her fellow ex-trainees.

This book was produced to share achievements of the ex-trainees as well as Mahila ko Haat. It starts with the introduction of Mahila ko Haat and the training by Navajyoti Training Center. Its major part is the case studies of ex-trainees followed by lessons learnt from past experience. I expect that readers understand how the trainees were transformed through the training and how they are struggling in their own places afterwards.

This is a joint effort by authors of Mahila ko Haat and ex-trainees supported by Mahila ko Haat. Mr. Krishna Sarbahari worked very efficiently as an editor. Sponsorship by Niwano Peace Foundation, Japan has helped us to publish this book. Last but not least, continuous efforts by members of Mahila ko Haat should be highly acknowledged.

Masako Tanaka
Coordinator
People’s Documentation Project for Peace in Nepal
November 2006

Acknowledgement
Mahila ko Haat is a non-profit, non-governmental organization that for the last eight years has been providing services to women from remote areas by enrolling them in a six-month training course at the Navajyoti Training Center in Baluwatar, Kathmandu.

The outcome of investments comes from evaluation. Furthermore, investments made in the human resource development sector take long to bear fruit. Mahila ko Haat invests in developing the skills of destitute Nepalese women who are victims of war, have been abused or live in poor financial circumstances. These investments take even longer to bear fruit and the outcomes are difficult to measure. However, one can always observe the positive impacts of the skills and knowledge that these women have acquired. Having invested in their human resource development, the organization also has an important responsibility to monitor the activities of trainees who have participated in such programs.

My heartfelt thanks to Ms. Masako Tanaka, founding member of Mahila ko Haat, for reminding us of this duty and for providing us with funds for undertaking this follow-up report. I also thank Ms. Aruna Chaudhary for doing the field study, conducting interviews, and analyzing the situations of the women enlisted for this study. Though Aruna conducted the field study and prepared the reports, her own success story has been included in this book because she is the first product of Mahila ko Haat’s collaboration with the Navajyoti Training Center.

The objective of this study is to inform women who are living in difficult situations that other women who faced similar plights were able to solve their problems. Therefore, we have prepared this report using participatory observations and interviews rather than scientific or statistical methods. I sincerely thank Sister Teresa from Navajyoti Training Center for supporting our efforts and giving us her opinion on this project. I hope cooperation between the Center and Mahila ko Haat will continue in the future.

I would also like to thank the participants and other related institutions for cooperating with us during our field study. Last but not least, I thank Mr Krishna Sarbahari for editing, and Mr. Narvir Dewan and Mr. Prem Prakash Chaudhari for typing the report. I hope it will be of use to all readers.

Bhagawati Nepal
Chairperson
Mahila ko Haat

[i] More information on Sisters of Charity of Nazareth (SCN) on http://www.scnfamily.org/

1. The Condition of Women in Nepal
1.1 Background
85 percent of the population of Nepal still lives in rural areas, but agriculture based on traditional methods does not provide sufficient produce to sustain the rural economy. Around 78 percent of families own land but on average each family owns only about 0.8 hectares of fertile land. 32 percent of the population falls below the poverty line. These families own about 0.2 hectares of land each but their population growth rate is almost double that of the others. There is a huge economic disparity in Nepal as the average annual income of the poorest 20 percent of people is Rs[i] 4,003 while the average annual income of the richest 20 percent is Rs 40,486.

Adult literacy rate is 48 percent; the female adult literacy rate is only 34 percent. Only 20 percent of women are able to deliver babies with the help of trained midwives. More than 10 percent of women suffer from malnutrition. The discriminatory caste system is another obstacle on the path of social development.

Superstitions and social malpractices that occur in rural areas such as accusations of witchcraft do more injustice to women. Governmental and non-governmental organizations have been making efforts to end these practices but they continue. On a more positive note, power has been decentralized to encourage development at the local level.
The central government has devised primary level development plans, the main aim of the 10th plan being to reduce the number of poor. Based on the Millennium Development Goals (MDG)[ii], the government has set certain targets to be met by 2015, and designed programs of social inclusion and positive discrimination to achieve them. Literacy and health improvement programs have also been designed for the general people.

Positive discrimination programs include compulsory hiring of female teachers in schools, scholarship programs for the scheduled castes and eradication of child labor. Efforts have been made to provide medicines, preventive injections, polio drops and Vitamin A to 100 percent of Nepalese children. However, the decade-long war and political instability in the country have hindered such steps. Women have been greatly affected. The fear of war, of losing life and family, caused many to flee from villages and thus created a situation of chaos.

1.2 Women in Conflict
Although the decade-long conflict adversely affected women, it had positive outcomes as well. The age-old authoritarian rule came to an end and democracy empowered women to participate in politics. Women no longer tolerate discrimination. However, war always has more negative than positive outcomes.

According to statistics from the human rights NGO, Informal Sector Service Center (INSEC)[iii], 13,284 lives were lost from 13 February 1996 to 31 December 2006[iv]. Among them 1013 were women, 820 killed by the State and 193 by the Maoists. Although male deaths outnumbered female deaths, women, who lost an earning husband or other male family member, were victimized by having to take on their responsibilities.

A total of 379 people from ordinary agricultural families were killed in 2005. Among them, 59 were women. Out of 927 farmers abducted in 2005, 113 were women. According to World Vision[v], 600 women were sexually exploited during the decade long insurgency by security personnel in Jumla district.

Women have been affected by the conflict, be it from the State or the Maoists. Mothers with sons recruited into the police had them die in far-off villages; so had mothers with sons who fought for the insurgents. Women in difficult situations, such as sick and pregnant women, had to flee their villages because of the conflict. Many lost their husbands, children or parents in the war. Many such displaced women are working as domestic helpers in the capital Kathmandu now.

1.3 The pain of domestic violence
Nepalese society being patriarchal, major family decisions are usually taken by the male members. Women usually do not have legal rights to property and have less chance of inheriting patriarchal property. They are also deprived of job opportunities. Some women have to silently bear domestic violence because they are financially dependent on their husbands and have nowhere else to go. They are still discriminated against in society due to the lack of females at the policy-making level.

These women are victimized by cruel husbands and their families usually because of disputes over dowry polygamy. Some are accused of being witches and are severely beaten. According to the Human Rights Year Book 2006, there were 395 cases of human rights violation in 2005, which includes abortion, rape, beating, trafficking, accusation of witchcraft, polygamy, sexual abuse and domestic violence.[vi] Due to such discrimination in society, women’s voices are not heard in all sectors. Though there are legal provisions recognizing women’s rights, women, particularly in rural areas, are still deprived of those rights.

1.4 Girl Trafficking
Turning the pages of history, it is evident that girl trafficking in Nepal started from the Rana regime. Rana rulers kept women in their palaces as mistresses. That tradition remains until today with women being bought and sold for money like animals. The victims of trafficking are usually poor, illiterate or indigenous women.

Nepal outlawed human trafficking 20 years ago. However, statistics show that more than 300,000 Nepali women are involved in prostitution in India and Gulf countries and that more than 7,000 women are trafficked to other countries each year.

Human trafficking has increased because of the insurgency. Many governmental and non-governmental organizations have been working to empower victimized women, but preventing the crime from happening is the bigger challenge. One bright side of the Maoist insurgency was that due to the recruitment of women into the revolutionary army, girl trafficking was largely controlled in the western hills of Nepal.

1.5 Dalit and other marginalized women
Untouchability was abolished in Nepal long ago but still in the 21st century, Dalits have been victims of untouchability. Even the elites working in governmental and non-governmental organizations who preach about the freedom of Dalits do not practice it themselves in their personal lives. Dalit women who manage to get vocational training find it impossible to practice their skills because they are not offered jobs.

If a Dalit sets up a restaurant, he will not find customers to drink even a cup of tea. According to a publication of Action Aid, Ethnic Untouchability in Nepal and the Strategic Campaign to eradicate it[vii], there are 205 types of discriminations practiced against Dalits. The condition of Dalit women is worse. The condition of women physically impaired by war or by birth is frightening.

1.6 The after-effects of war
According to a research conducted by the chairperson of the SAMANTA Institute, Dr. Arju Rana Deuba, the major negative economic impacts of war on rural women were: lack of investment opportunities; desperation to use savings; no income sources; and loss of land and wealth. The study shows that the biggest psychological impact of the war fell on the children of affected families. Children who lost parents during the war live in fear, lose interest in studies, lose mental balance and their future becomes dark.

Husbands were killed, abducted, ran away for safety or left home in search of work, so their wives had to take on the responsibility of earning for the family. They also had to juggle the added responsibilities of providing security for their family, helping elderly parents, participating in development activities and so on.

[i] Rs (or NRs) is short for rupees, the national currency of Nepal. 1 USD is around 77 NRs. Live rates are available at www.xe.com.
[ii] More on MDG on http://www.undp.org/ mdg
[iii] http://www.inseconline.org/
[iv] INSEC. 2007. Human Rights Year Book 2007. p10.
[v] http://www.worldvision.org/content.nsf/learn/world-vision-nepal
[vi] INSEC. 2006. Human Rights Year Book 2006. p334.
[vii] Literal translation of the title of the book, originally in Nepali

2. Mahila ko Haat
Mahila ko Haat is a non-profit, non-governmental organization initiated by housewives and women engaged in social activities. Its activities are funded by donations from volunteers and well wishers. It has been informally involved in social activities for six years, however, it was formally established five years ago under the Organization Registration Act 2034[i] in the District Administration Office (DAO), Kathmandu. The office is located in Dillibazar, Kathmandu. Mahila ko Haat has been preparing and submitting its progress reports and audit reports to the DAO annually. It has 61 members and 9 board members. Every three years, a new executive board is elected by the members.

Many families living in rural areas were displaced because of the insurgency. Children and other dependents sometimes became destitute when the bread earner(s) were killed. Those families were never compensated and often the remaining members lacked skills to make a living. In order to help such women from remote areas, women in Kathmandu decided to donate money to set up a fund that would finance the providing of skills to those impoverished women so that they could earn a living for their family. Mahila ko Haat decided to give women from Dalit and indigenous communities, as well as physically impaired women, priority in selecting participants for the training.

The following programs have been organized by Mahila ko Haat in collaboration with other organizations, including the Navajyoti Training Center:

1. Rural Women Leadership Training (6 months, residential)
2. Literacy Program for women deprived of an education (up to Grade 6, for housewives, who were illiterate because of financial problems)
3. Capacity-building training for the physically challenged (1 month)
4. Artisan Support Program
5. Awards Program
6. Education for children deprived of schooling (non-formal education for domestic helpers and street children, for three years)
7. Support for orphaned children (in cash and kind)
8. Programs to uplift the status of Dalit and Janajati[ii] children (including Meche, Koche, Musahar, Danuwar and other Tarai-based low-income communities – support provided in cash and kind to help with the educational development of these children)Scholarship Program for Dalit (Kami, Damai, Sarki)[iii] girls studying in various schools of Kavre district

[i] 1977
[ii] Janajati (or a nationality) is that community which has its own mother tongue and traditional culture and yet does not fall under the conventional Hindu hierarchical caste structure. Source: NEFIN website, www.nefin.org.np
[iii] Dalit castes based on their traditional occupations – Kami (blacksmith), Damai (tailor) and Sarki (cobbler)

3. Collaborating partner: Navajyoti Training Center
Mahila ko Haat has collaborated with Navajyoti Training Center in Baluwatar, Kathmandu to provide women’s training because its own funds alone are insufficient to finance six months of training by Mohila ko Haat alone for participants. Navajyoti’s residential training of the women recommended by Mahila ko Haat helps participants develop their personalities, teaches them about social mobilization, provides business skills, and educates them about human rights, gender equality, art and management of savings and credit programs.

Since its establishment in 1988, Navajyoti Training Center has been involved in many social activities. This organization is funded by Sisters of Charity of Nazareth. It has three branches in Nepal – in Dharan, Kathmandu and Surkhet. The Center organizes various training in the field of education, health and skills development, as well as literacy classes for destitute women. It conducts similar classes for mentally challenged people and has its own Mental Rehabilitation Center.

Navajyoti started the Women Leadership Program in 1992 with the objective of providing six months of training to empower women deprived of education and opportunities in order to make them agents of social change. The participants are taught about social mobilization, adult literacy, children and women’s rights, girls trafficking, untouchability, gender equity, family planning and safe motherhood and learn such skills as setting up savings and credit groups, tailoring, coloring and growing herbs. They are also taught street dramas, songs and poems to use for raising people’s awareness about issues.

The Center has trained 280 participants to date, most of them from remote areas. The organization does not select the participants itself but relies on various organizations and distinguished people to recommend women who have been deprived of the basic necessities of life. While other centers select only the best candidates for training, Navajyoti is dedicated to working with the weakest in order to assist them to improve their lives.

The participants referred to Navajyoti Training Center by Mahila ko Haat are as follows:
2002:1
2003:3
2004:5
2005:10
2006:7
Total: 26

4. Follow-up Study

4.1 Objectives
Although destitute women nominated by Mahila ko Haat participate in the training program in order to improve their situation, conditions in villages and districts are often such that they are unable to find jobs or even begin their own small businesses after they have completed the course. However, we cannot let the skills and knowledge acquired during training go to waste. This report was prepared by Mahila ko Haat with the objective of discovering what kinds of programs could be created to make use of the women’s skills.

This study is also important because it helps us to understand what programs of Mahila ko Haat should be continued/discontinued; what kinds of new policies are necessary; how trainees can be helped to start working after the training and to recognize what additional trainings are required by the ones involved in this field study.

4.2 Selection of the participants
Among the 26 women who have participated in the training, 19 have returned to their homes. In this report we present the case studies of seven of those women, who are from the Jhapa, Kathmandu, Dolakha and Tanahu districts. They have been selected on various grounds: some belong to indigenous and scheduled castes, while others have been orphaned, physically impaired and victims of conflict.

4.3 Methodology
1) Collect and summarize the information available about the former participants from Navajyoti and Mahila ko Haat;
2) Collect further information from civil society organizations, NGOs or DDCs that referred the participants;
3) Inquire about the activities of the selected participants with their relatives or a distinguished person from their locality;
4) Interview the selected participants to get suitable suggestions.

5. Women after the training
We have prepared this report after observing the daily routines of the selected candidates, talking to the organizations that they are involved with and asking villagers about their perspectives. These observations have been summarized into short chapters.

5.1 Shanti brought peace
This world would be a better place if people started living up to their names. People can change their names if they don’t like them, but they cannot change their fate. Thus, some named Birbahadur (brave man) may actually be cowards. But Shanti Rai is one of the few people who has lived up to the meaning of her name – peace. Her parents must have wished for their daughter to have a peaceful life, thus naming her Shanti. But fate had something else in store for her.

Shanti was born as the only daughter of father Bam Bahadur and mother Manakani 36 years ago in Panchthar district in eastern Nepal. Her father later remarried and his two wives quarreled a lot, causing chaos at home. Shanti got married to Dhan Bahadur Rai when she was 25. He was from a village called Topgachhi-5, about 1 km away from Kerkha Bazaar of Jhapa district. Though her husband’s name was Dhan Bahadur (man of wealth and bravery), they had to face many financial problems. There was a lot of turmoil between the couple and Shanti decided to divorce her husband.

What woman would wish for her husband to spend his time in a drinking stupor and spend all his money gambling? For Shanti, this nightmare was a reality. She reflects, “I went through a lot of psychological turmoil because of our daily fights. Our children used to cry seeing us fight. On the one hand I had to face a quarreling husband and on the other hand we were financially weak. I had a lot of trouble handling my home.”

One day Shanti shared her problems with her brother-in-law who was the then Chairman of the District Development Committee (DDC). He arranged for her to go to Kathmandu for a training course through Mahila ko Haat. First she had to make the hard decision about leaving for the six-month course. In the end, her ambition to live a better life won out and she decided to go to Kathmandu. Leaving her 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son with her husband, she left for Kathmandu in 2001.

A timid woman in the beginning, Shanti slowly started actively discussing with her trainers. “I don’t know how, but I got strength from deep inside to speak during the training,” she says.

She completed her training but was worried on returning home. “No one was home the day I returned. My husband had sent my children to my parent’s home. I was very angry to see the bad state of my house and worried for my children. I cried a lot. The devil inside me wanted to kill my husband,” she says.

Using skills she learned during the training, she was able to gain control of herself. Instead of blaming all her problems on her husband, she started to recognize her own faults as well. Applying what she had learned about conflict resolution, Shanti strengthened her relationship with her husband. He, in his turn, accepted his wife’s positive attitude towards him and, slowly, he gave up his bad habits. These days he is busy working all day long. Together they do the household chores and never fight.

According to Shanti, “My biggest achievement is putting my husband on the right track and improving the condition of my home. We are financially stronger now. Though the training brought lots of positive changes to my life, my biggest success has been to live with my husband in peace. I was not able to find my faults before, but things changed for me after the training.”

Shanti’s next step after returning to her village was to establish the Kanchanjunga Savings Group with 20 other women on 30 December 2001. The group started by collecting Rs 20 per month from each member and now has Rs 50,000 in its account. Chairperson of the Savings Group, Nirupa Rai, says, “Shanti has played an important role in bringing this group to its current state.” She had the responsibility of coordinating and empowering the women of the group.

Due to Shanti’s efforts, there are now other savings and credit groups and tailoring groups in the village. Shanti manages the funds of those groups and is also the treasurer of the Kanchanjunga group. UNDP has established other savings and credit groups in the village under its poverty eradication program. Shanti also leads those groups.

Secretary of the Topgachhi Village Development Committee (VDC), Buddhiman Poudel, says, “The fate of this village would change for good if more women like Shanti came forward.” Asked how she found the training, she replies, “This training instilled in me a feeling that we should first of all recognize ourselves and that we should live in peace.”

Shanti is busier now with social work than she is with her personal responsibilities at home. All people in the village – laymen, shepherds, farmers, and officials – now recognize her due to her hard work.

Shanti has two daughters and a son. Having been educated to the intermediate level herself, she is determined to see her children go higher. Her eldest daughter is studying in Grade 8, her son in Grade 4, while her youngest daughter is only 2 years old.

Political instability in the country hindered her work a lot. Maoist representatives would preach their ideologies in the women’s monthly savings and credit group meetings, so important discussions had to be left undone. The democratic revolution in April 2006 caused all industries to shut down, due to which her husband lost his job and the family found itself in feeble financial condition again. They sometimes went hungry. Women from the savings and credit group joined the revolution. Shanti says, “Now that democracy has come, I hope we can do our work in peace.”

Asked what her dreams are for the next 10 years, Shanti replies, “I have so many wishes. My children should study well. That would require a strong financial base at home. However, my biggest dream is social service. I want to start a revolution that would make other men in the village give up gambling and drinking and start helping their wives manage their home, like my husband.” When will that change come? Only time will tell, but her friends from the Kanchanjunga Savings Group have started supporting her to make her dream come true.

Drinking and gambling threaten all social norms and values. Shanti was successful in changing her husband, and thus, her life. Now peace prevails in her home. Her husband, an electrician, earns money for the family. She has been able to live up to her name.

A saying goes, “When you cry, you cry alone. But when you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.” We can learn a great lesson from Shanti, who struggled to transform her life from one of cries to one of laughter.

5.2 Lila rescued trafficked girls from Mumbai
Ignoring his duty of having a citizenship certificate made for his 18-year-old daughter, a father left for Bombay to earn money. His daughter traced him and went all the way to Bombay by herself. How did a young lady, educated only till Grade 8 find so much courage?

That courageous lady who surprised her father in his workplace in Bombay one day was Lila Bhattarai, resident of Devibasti, Birtamod Bazaar, Jhapa district. Bombay is a city infamous among Nepalese for girl trafficking. “What would I do if my daughter had been sold?” he said to himself after. But his daughter was clever and courageous. Instead of herself being bought and sold, she freed two trafficked Nepalese girls! Her father was so proud of her that he effused she had done much more than a son could have done. He immediately returned to Nepal with her to make her citizenship certificate.

This incident took place in December 2005. Lila gathered so much courage after completing a 6-month training program at the Navajyoti Training Center in Kathmandu, with the help of Mahila ko Haat. The same training taught her to sometimes take risks while working.

When she arrived in Bombay, a local woman informed Lila that two girls had been smuggled from Nepal and were hidden in one of the shanty areas. When asked, they told her that they were there on their own will. Only when Lila warned them about the situation of other trafficked girls did they admit that they had fled their village with pimps. With the help of her father and the local woman, Lila managed to spirit the two girls away from the pimps when they were out for morning tea. She took the train to Gorakhpur and safely returned the two girls to Nepal.

One of the girls to be rescued was Devi Sarki, from the Sukumbasi[i] area in Khudunabari, Jhapa. When she was still studying in Class 8, a relative from the same village took her to Bombay, on the condition that he would find work for her. Another girl to be rescued was Nirmala Darjee. She is from the Mid-Western region but doesn’t wish to disclose her full address.

Devi’s maternal uncle and aunt live in Jhapa. Lila left Nirmala in their care. Devi now studies in Class 9. Lila soars with pride when she sees Devi going to school.

Lila was born in Pathari, Morang. Her parents moved from one place to the other seeking a better livelihood as they were financially weak. They moved from Morang to Budhabare and then to Shanischare, and finally settled in Birtamod, Jhapa. That unstable life hampered the studies of Lila and her elder sister, who got married at the age of 16. Her father went to Bombay expecting better pay. Her mother Krishnamaya set up a small hotel with the help of Lila’s sister and brother-in-law to earn a living for her three daughters and herself. However, the pain of living apart from her husband and pressure brought on by her responsibilities always kept Krishnamaya ill. She died when Lila was only 15 years of age.

After the death of their mother, responsibility for the three sisters fell upon the married sister Tika. It was difficult for her and her husband to earn a living for a big family of seven people – themselves, the three sisters and their two children. Realizing that the meager salary of a driver was not enough to sustain the big family, her husband Ramesh Khadka went to Qatar for work. Lila was studying in Grade 8 and her two sisters in Grades 6 and 3 respectively. Tika could not afford to send them all to school; Lila had to discontinue her studies and take care of her siblings instead. She cried a lot the day she had to leave school.

Understanding her plight, her neighbor Bindu Dhungana, a teacher of Deep Jyoti High School, suggested that she join the training supported by Mahila ko Haat. Her journey to Kathmandu took three days because of strikes that closed the roads, but her enthusiasm to join the training erased all the painful memories of her troublesome journey.

After coming to Kathmandu, Lila came into contact with Mahila ko Haat. This organization was willing to fund her expenses for the six-month training at the Navajyoti Women’s Training Center. “It was then that I felt for the first time that I should help other people in need, and I was inspired to get involved in social service,” says Lila.

When Lila returned home after the six months of training the otherwise pessimistic girl had turned over a new leaf. A timid girl of few words before the training, she rightly asked her father for a citizenship certificate upon her return. This was her first achievement after the training.

Her sister had taken on the responsibility of a mother after their mother’s demise. In April 2006, there came a turning point in Lila’s life. Her sister urged Lila to get married to Ram Bahadur Baniya, a resident of Chakchaki, Jhapa, at the age of 18, and she could not deny the offer.. Post-marriage, her dreams she had thought wouldn’t realize came true. Seeing her zeal to study further, her husband enrolled her in school, where she is currently studying in Grade 9. In her free time she does tailoring and teaches her skills to others. She has also started a small cosmetic shop. Lila already has a handful of responsibilities so has not started a savings and credit group yet, however she rushes to impart her knowledge to another group in a nearby village, established by Sahara Nepal, whenever possible. She wishes to start a group when she thinks she is capable enough.

Pleased with the progress made by Lila, her elder sister says, “When she returned after the training, I saw that she had become a new person. She had become a mature person in the way she carried herself, the way she spoke and worked and in everything else she did. I feel proud to have such a mature sister.”

Asked how she would like to contribute to society she replies, “After completion of SLC[ii] level, I would like to tutor stitching and tailoring to my friends in the neighborhood to make them independent. After tutoring about 9-10 women, I would like to start a small business. I hope Mahila ko Haat will continue to help the women willing to move ahead in life.”

Lila is marching forward to serve society. If man and woman are two wheels of a carriage, her husband is cooperating as the other wheel in order to drive the carriage forward. Wouldn’t this world be a better place if every husband assisted in his wife’s positive initiatives?

[i] Nepali word for ‘squatters’
[ii] Short for School Leaving Certificate, mandated by the government, at end of Grade 10

5.3 Positively turned Hira
Hira Tamang, a resident of Jhule-7 in Dolakha district was a pretty young lady, admired by many boys from her village. Ramkrishna Ghising, a boy from a neighboring village, was one of her many admirers. Ramkrishna had proposed to Hira many times, but as she was still studying in Grade 8, she refused him. Her father, Bhim Bahadur, and mother, Dilmaya, had struggled greatly to be able to educate her.

When Hira kept refusing his proposals, Ramkrishna forced her into marriage. The Lama community has a custom of accepting forced marriages, and many Lama girls have had to suffer because of this custom.

Having been refused so many times must have hurt the ego of Ramkrishna, for immediately after marriage he started coming home drunk, abusing and beating Hira. She was abused daily, but had no way to escape. She was a married woman and by tradition could not go back to her parents’ home. Her society had accepted the marriage that she was forced into.

Even her in-laws supported their son’s abuse of his wife. Once, her mother-in-law kept her hungry for two days. Starving, Hira went to the fields to look for corn. Her mother-in-law became furious and struck her on the back of head with a wooden plank; she fell unconscious on the ground. When she regained consciousness, she started to breastfeed her hungry one and a half year-old daughter. But hungry for days herself, she did not have milk to feed the child and it went hungry.

The infant was wailing with hunger when her husband came home in a drunken stupor that evening. Hira’s mother-in-law complained to him that his wife had not breastfed the child all day. He dragged her out of the house and beat her severely, and when she fainted, he and his mother assumed she was dead and threw her in the fields. Hira awoke in the middle of the night and decided that instead of being tortured every day for the rest of her life, she would run away with her daughter. Quietly, she took her sleeping daughter from beside her mother-in-law and left for her parents’ home. She had to pass through a forest on the way, but she felt no fear. But when her husband learned of her escape, he rushed after her and seized the child. Having lost her only child, she reached her parents’ house crying. She had lost her mental balance by then and started behaving strangely – she wept, shouted like a crazy person sometimes and at other times she sat alone and stared blankly. Her parents could do nothing for their grieving daughter except console her.

Hira came to know about Navajyoti from her sister. She got in touch with the Center but could not afford the fees. Nor did she have money to go to Kathmandu, and except the clothes she was wearing, she had no other belongings. However, when Mahila ko Haat offered to sponsor her, some rays of hope of a better life ahead flickered within her.

While in Navajyoti, Hira tried to lessen her pain by sharing her story with 16 other girls like herself. But the pain of separation from her infant daughter never eased. She remembers, “One day our trainer told us to share our stories among friends. I cried while telling my story. One of my friends shared that her husband had been shot by the army in front of her eyes. Another lady, like me, had been driven out of her house by her husband. Those stories made me realize that I was not the only one with a painful life and I comforted myself. Otherwise I had lost my mental balance.”

From that day onwards Hira tried to regain control over herself. Time flew and the training was over. Everyone returned home but she had nowhere to go. She wouldn’t go back to her husband’s house and her parents were already burdened with their own problems. She decided to stay in Kathmandu.

One day, while traveling from Koteshwor to Ratnapark[i], Hira met Radhika Basnet. Radhika wanted a household helper and because Hira was looking for a job, they came to an agreement that Hira would work for Radhika in her house in Kupondole[ii].

Her stay in Kupondole was not good either. During the People’s Movement of 2006, there was a water shortage in the house, and Hira had to go to a nearby public tap to wash clothes. Accidentally, she was hurt severely when tear gas fell near her. She discontinued her work in Kupondole after the incident.

Currently Hira works as a maid in another house. She still doesn’t have a comfortable life – her employer won’t let her communicate outside the house or let her use the telephone. Hira says, “This training has taught me so many things but sometimes I just have to pretend that I don’t know anything.”

Hira’s childhood days were spent in poverty in Dolakha district. Her parents have no property except the house they live in, so she doesn’t want to go back to them. Instead, she wants to be financially independent one day and prove to her husband what she is worth.

Asked how she would like to help other women, she says, “I haven’t forgotten anything that I learnt during the training. I would be able to start doing something if I had a suitable partner. I am in search of a helpful friend.”

Hira reveals that it was not easy to work in the village because of the insurgency. But her courage has not subsided. She had not imagined her life would take such a positive turn after all that had happened to her. Today, she wants to raise voice against the custom of forced marriage in the Lama community. “This training has given me a new life and one day I will pay back to all those who brought this positive turn in my life,” Hira says.

[i] These are places in Kathmandu
[ii] A place in Lalitpur, Kathmandu’s neighboring district

5.4 Chandani’s challenges
Looking at some people sometimes we think that God has cheated them by birth. One of those people is Chandani Basnet – she cannot even stand up properly because of polio. Chandani was born in the impoverished village of Pode, Dharmashtali 9 VDC, on the edge of the Kathmandu Valley, 23 years ago.

Pode’s villagers work for others in their fields. Their brick and mud houses have started to crack and they do not have a proper drinking water supply system. There are many other problems in the village as well. From the time she started school, Chandani has been thinking of ways to relieve the problems of her village. However, incapable of having a better life herself, it was difficult for her to work for the welfare of the village, which made her unhappy.

The fact of having a physically impaired body and a financially weak family frustrated her. Her family broke apart when her father married another woman. Because the two wives could not stand each other, her father lives with his younger wife and Chandani with her mother.

She was chosen for the Navajyoti training because of her physical impairment. She considered herself lucky to leave behind the chaos of her house for six months and participate in the training. However, she had an awkward feeling about it because she didn’t know what the training would be like and how her fellow trainees would react to her impairment. She was worried about the Rs 7,000 she would have to raise to pay as fees but when Mahila ko Haat agreed to sponsor her, that problem was solved. After the training began, she realized that its objective was to empower and bring out the leadership qualities of women who were suffering in darkness.

Chandani says, “The leadership development class impressed me a lot because I was always interested in it. I had to stand as a leader in my village. I got lots of strength from this training and now I feel that I can change the face of my village.”

Asked what her major achievement was after the training, she replies, “I no longer feel that I am impaired. I have developed courage and enthusiasm for life. I got a chance to live a life like any normal individual after the training.”

On returning home, Chandani could not at first decide what to do. But because there was no savings and credit group in her village, she formed one, involving 20 Dalit and non-Dalit women. They collected money from members every month and put it under the responsibility of the treasurer, Laxmi Basnet. Chandani had a lot of hope after the group was formed. She had plans of investing the funds according to the needs of the members.

However, she did not realize that there was disagreement between the members. They had quietly started leaving the group, shattering her dreams. At first, the villagers had praised her initiative but the failure of the group made her unhappy. Chandani’s ambition of contributing to the development of the village failed midway.

“I should have informed Navajyoti or Mahila ko Haat when the group started breaking up,” she says now, realizing her mistake. When the group was asked the reason for the disagreement, they said it was because all of their money was collected and held by one person! As Chandani could not control the members, she returned their money to them. Since then, she has not able to restart the group and is very worried about what the future holds for her backward village.

Chandani thought constantly of ways to revive the savings and credit group. Then she realized that everyone had started investing in a cooperative recently established in the village. She says, “Though the group I started failed to survive, I think it was from me that my fellow villagers learned the importance of saving in a group. I am happy that I was at least able to contribute this much to my village.”

When she realized the cooperative had also been established for the welfare of her village – although it was done by someone else – Chandani too started saving with it. Today, she is happy that the cooperative is a success after her own effort failed.

Chandani thinks her village could do even better if someone from Navajyoti or Mahila ko Haat came to talk to the villagers. Though she has not yet been able to change the face of the village as she expected, she has started leading life like any normal person. Her lesson from life: “It is not easy to spread awareness in a backward society but one should never accept defeat in difficult circumstances.” And she hasn’t.