5. Women after the trainingWe have prepared this report after observing the daily routines of the selected candidates, talking to the organizations that they are involved with and asking villagers about their perspectives. These observations have been summarized into short chapters.
5.1 Shanti brought peace
This world would be a better place if people started living up to their names. People can change their names if they don’t like them, but they cannot change their fate. Thus, some named Birbahadur (brave man) may actually be cowards. But Shanti Rai is one of the few people who has lived up to the meaning of her name – peace. Her parents must have wished for their daughter to have a peaceful life, thus naming her Shanti. But fate had something else in store for her.
Shanti was born as the only daughter of father Bam Bahadur and mother Manakani 36 years ago in Panchthar district in eastern Nepal. Her father later remarried and his two wives quarreled a lot, causing chaos at home. Shanti got married to Dhan Bahadur Rai when she was 25. He was from a village called Topgachhi-5, about 1 km away from Kerkha Bazaar of Jhapa district. Though her husband’s name was Dhan Bahadur (man of wealth and bravery), they had to face many financial problems. There was a lot of turmoil between the couple and Shanti decided to divorce her husband.
What woman would wish for her husband to spend his time in a drinking stupor and spend all his money gambling? For Shanti, this nightmare was a reality. She reflects, “I went through a lot of psychological turmoil because of our daily fights. Our children used to cry seeing us fight. On the one hand I had to face a quarreling husband and on the other hand we were financially weak. I had a lot of trouble handling my home.”
One day Shanti shared her problems with her brother-in-law who was the then Chairman of the District Development Committee (DDC). He arranged for her to go to Kathmandu for a training course through Mahila ko Haat. First she had to make the hard decision about leaving for the six-month course. In the end, her ambition to live a better life won out and she decided to go to Kathmandu. Leaving her 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son with her husband, she left for Kathmandu in 2001.
A timid woman in the beginning, Shanti slowly started actively discussing with her trainers. “I don’t know how, but I got strength from deep inside to speak during the training,” she says.
She completed her training but was worried on returning home. “No one was home the day I returned. My husband had sent my children to my parent’s home. I was very angry to see the bad state of my house and worried for my children. I cried a lot. The devil inside me wanted to kill my husband,” she says.
Using skills she learned during the training, she was able to gain control of herself. Instead of blaming all her problems on her husband, she started to recognize her own faults as well. Applying what she had learned about conflict resolution, Shanti strengthened her relationship with her husband. He, in his turn, accepted his wife’s positive attitude towards him and, slowly, he gave up his bad habits. These days he is busy working all day long. Together they do the household chores and never fight.
According to Shanti, “My biggest achievement is putting my husband on the right track and improving the condition of my home. We are financially stronger now. Though the training brought lots of positive changes to my life, my biggest success has been to live with my husband in peace. I was not able to find my faults before, but things changed for me after the training.”
Shanti’s next step after returning to her village was to establish the Kanchanjunga Savings Group with 20 other women on 30 December 2001. The group started by collecting Rs 20 per month from each member and now has Rs 50,000 in its account. Chairperson of the Savings Group, Nirupa Rai, says, “Shanti has played an important role in bringing this group to its current state.” She had the responsibility of coordinating and empowering the women of the group.
Due to Shanti’s efforts, there are now other savings and credit groups and tailoring groups in the village. Shanti manages the funds of those groups and is also the treasurer of the Kanchanjunga group. UNDP has established other savings and credit groups in the village under its poverty eradication program. Shanti also leads those groups.
Secretary of the Topgachhi Village Development Committee (VDC), Buddhiman Poudel, says, “The fate of this village would change for good if more women like Shanti came forward.” Asked how she found the training, she replies, “This training instilled in me a feeling that we should first of all recognize ourselves and that we should live in peace.”
Shanti is busier now with social work than she is with her personal responsibilities at home. All people in the village – laymen, shepherds, farmers, and officials – now recognize her due to her hard work.
Shanti has two daughters and a son. Having been educated to the intermediate level herself, she is determined to see her children go higher. Her eldest daughter is studying in Grade 8, her son in Grade 4, while her youngest daughter is only 2 years old.
Political instability in the country hindered her work a lot. Maoist representatives would preach their ideologies in the women’s monthly savings and credit group meetings, so important discussions had to be left undone. The democratic revolution in April 2006 caused all industries to shut down, due to which her husband lost his job and the family found itself in feeble financial condition again. They sometimes went hungry. Women from the savings and credit group joined the revolution. Shanti says, “Now that democracy has come, I hope we can do our work in peace.”
Asked what her dreams are for the next 10 years, Shanti replies, “I have so many wishes. My children should study well. That would require a strong financial base at home. However, my biggest dream is social service. I want to start a revolution that would make other men in the village give up gambling and drinking and start helping their wives manage their home, like my husband.” When will that change come? Only time will tell, but her friends from the Kanchanjunga Savings Group have started supporting her to make her dream come true.
Drinking and gambling threaten all social norms and values. Shanti was successful in changing her husband, and thus, her life. Now peace prevails in her home. Her husband, an electrician, earns money for the family. She has been able to live up to her name.
A saying goes, “When you cry, you cry alone. But when you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.” We can learn a great lesson from Shanti, who struggled to transform her life from one of cries to one of laughter.